The very thought of marriage brings a series of pictures of shimmering dresses, grand parties, lavish dinners, a huge gathering of relatives and friends. lots of dance and music, and lots of pomp and show. Is this the marriage?
If yes, then each and every marriage should have been successful. But this is not true. In America, the success ratio is 45-50 percent. Even in India, the divorce ratio is increasing day by day.
People do lots of gossips when marriage gets failed. They just take it as destiny and put blame on each other. They go for second and third marriage without doing any self- introspection. Isn’t it surprising that for the entrance of KG classes, the entrance of Medical, Engineering and other exams you start preparation 3-4 years before? You hire mentors to guide, support. You also do a lot of preparation to make marriage as an event successful. You hire the best event managers, choreographers, photographers, caterers, etc. But you forget that it is another life-changing turn where if you are not mentally prepared, well taught, well-coached, it may result in a mess, lots of chaos and emotional losses. You should realize that many hopes, dreams, and expectations are attached to this institution. With some planning and effort, you can start your marriage off with a strong foundation and here are some ways to do that.
How to Prepare?
Though picking the right person is an essential part of the process to make marriage a success but the factor that is even more important is evolving into the right person. Instead of looking for the partner of our dreams, we must become the partner of our dreams. Some tips are as follows-
1. Enter this sacred institution with the thought that nobody is perfect. Your partner may also have some short-comings. Accept him or her as he/she is. Even in love marriages, you get big surprises after marriage. Prepare yourself for this.
2. Marriage is based on mutual trust, sharing and caring. The day the trust is broken the marriage loses its sanctity. So, decide not to enter into extra-marital affairs. Don’t continue with past relationships. Give a fresh start to your life with lots of love, care and promises.
3. Prepare yourself for a big change in life including sharing of room, wardrobe, washrooms and definitely bank- balance, etc.
4. In today's’ time both husband and wife are equally qualified. They are earning equally. So, before marriage train yourself to respect his / her individuality, career, family, religion, etc. Develop a friendly attitude towards your partner.
5. These days in marriage, the relation is more of a partner and not of a typical old husband and wife. Decide and train yourself to share all family responsibilities equally.
6. In happy marriage I, you are replaced by “we” and mine and yours by “ours.” Start thinking like our family, our home, our bank balance, etc. Try to inculcate the qualities of patience, persistence, commitment, faithfulness, responsibility, resilience, courage, honesty, forgiveness, and goodwill.
These are the ones that will help each partner mature and become eligible for a great marriage.
7 Have a strong commitment to making your marriage successful. Have faith that beautiful, inspiring, fulfilling, connected, passionate marriages exist.
8. Communication is key in marriage and it starts when you are dating. Since you will soon be a team, it is important that you are able to talk openly together about anything and everything! As a couple you will need to communicate about finances, intimacy, household roles, expectations, in-laws, religion, children and many more like. It is not necessary or even possible to completely resolve these differences prior to getting married. It’s enough to identify them, acknowledge them, and put them on the table for discussion. Develop the art of speaking respectfully and non-reactive listening. Inculcate the habit of appreciation, respect, and gratitude.
9 It’s not the presence of differences themselves that can erode a relationship. It is the failure to work with the differences and come to terms with them that can erode the integrity of a marriage. Train yourself to address the differences then and there.
10 Never hesitate to consult a counselor to address the fears of marriage.
In short great relationships aren’t discovered; they are created. Anyone with sufficient motivation and a willingness to do the work that is required for a successful relationship is capable of achieving this regardless of their background, personal history, personality, or predispositions. What is required is the development of certain traits and skills and the motivation necessary to accomplish that. Somebody has rightly said “Marriage is like music both playing different tunes. We need to adjust the chords to get a beautiful song.”
Seek marital counselling!