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Your children needs your “presence” not your “presents”.

How to Become a Good Parent?

Who is a Parent?

A parent means a father or mother, one who begets or one who gives birth to or nurtures and raises. It is no more related to only biological parents, instead of a stepparent, grandparent, legal guardian, or a combination whoever raises and nurtures a child, is a parent.

Before you become a good parent, first you should be clear with the reason why do you want to bring a child on the Earth.? Time has changed. Family as a unit has undergone a drastic change. Joint family has transformed into a nuclear family. The role of husband and wife has changed as both are career-oriented, educated, independent. The new generation has become more rational, materialistic and individualistic. They very well know the birth of a child is no more a natural, instead of a planned step in life and a big responsibility.

Be Clear why do you want a Child and Become Parent?

  • Is it to strengthen the bond between husband and wife?

  • Is it to make your own family and continue your lineage, dynasty, race?

  • Is it to get social acceptance as it is a trend to have children after marriage?

  • Is it to have more hands to work and feed?

  • Is it gives one a sense of completeness as it fulfills biological and emotional need?

  • Is it to make old age secure?


 

What defines a Good Parent?

Though every child brings his/her own traits by birth, it is the dream of all parents to develop their children into good educated, responsible, loving, respectful, careful, sensitive, resilient, happy human beings. All parents make sincere efforts to train them to be a person who can take decisions of life independently and become a balanced person. There is no standard rule for parenting Different children may need different levels of attention, expression of love, and toughness. You should raise a child in a way that the child will be happier as he grows, and he can make a happy world around him.

Take a look at the few parenting practices which a parent should follow keeping in mind the children's age and stage of development.

  • Be Mentally Prepared and have Positive Attitude

According to. Sadhguru you should feel that it is a privilege that this child – this bundle of joy – has come through you and arrived in your house and on this Mother Earth. You are given this responsibility to enjoy, nurture, and support them. You should realize that children are not your property; they do not belong to you so don’t try to make your children an investment for your future. The responsibility of having a child requires involvement, excitement, you should be mentally ready to adjust your schedule, lose your privacy, do compromises, sacrifice, making expenses when required. Always give positive vibrations. Once you have a child, it is a twenty-year project – if they do well. If they do not do well, it is a lifelong project. If you are not ready for that, you should not get into it.
 

  • Guide your Children without Controlling

According to Psychologist Diana Baumrind, there are three types of parenting styles in general
 

Permissive: The parent is too lenient and gives in to the child’s unreasonable demands too often. Children with permissive parents often become “spoiled”.

Authoritarian: The parent is too strict and is frequently harsh and uncompromising. The parent often coerces the child into doing things. Children with authoritarian parents often become resentful and rebellious in the long run.

Authoritative: The parent is “just right”, showing warmth and affection toward the child without being indulgent. The parent sets boundaries for the child but is willing to compromise or negotiate if the situation calls for it. All else being equal, children with authoritative parents are the most likely to lead happy, successful lives.

  • Be Happy and Positive

If you want to bring up your child well, the first thing is, you should be happy. If you really have the intention of bringing up your child well, you should change yourself to be a loving, joyous and peaceful being. If you are incapable of transforming yourself, where is the question of you bringing up your child?

  • Ensure Emotional Security

    It is important because emotions are still the largest dimension of most human beings. If one becomes really conscious, then emotions do not matter. But until then, emotions play a significant role. So, if you want to bring up our children well, and see them a balanced human being, ensure a loving, joyous atmosphere around them all the time – not just at home, but also in school and on the street. Give them a loving supportive atmosphere.

  To give your children a sense of security, do the following:

  1. Appreciate them

  2. Acknowledge their feelings

  3. Show affection toward them

  4. Treat them with respect

  5. Give them your full attention when you’re with them

  6. Set consistent boundaries

  7. Be approachable

  8. Remind them that you love them unconditionally

  9. Keep your promises

  10. Be dependable and trustworthy
     

  • Help your Children to Develop Resilience and Perseverance.


Psychologist Angela Duckworth has found that grit – defined as “perseverance and passion for long-term goals.” Here are some suggestions:

  1. Emphasize progress over perfection

  2. Encourage them to take on manageable challenges

  3. Emphasize effort over outcome

  4. Model for them what it means to be gritty

  5. Show them that you’re continually taking risks and getting outside your comfort zone

  6. Talk about the challenges you face and what you’re doing to overcome them

  7. Focus more on contribution and less on achievement

  8. Let them make mistakes

  • Nurture a Child with Nature

    The simplest way is to take them out into lap of nature, where everything, from an insect to a flower, is exciting, you take the trouble of taking your children out, making them climb a tree, walking somewhere with them, taking a swim or some such thing, the child will grow up physically and mentally healthy. Dead, dumb, expensive toys don’t have sufficient potential to nourish and mentally ignite the children. Nature has a lot of things to train a child.

     

  • Ensure Quality Time to Children

    Remember to laugh together, spend time together, and connect positively every single day whether it's sitting down to play a fun board game, going for a bike ride, cooking, watching a movie, or just reading a good book. By talking and listening to them patiently you feel connected to your child, and you'll likely learn about lots of things your child is thinking and feeling.

     

  • Be a Role Model

 

      While we can't be always perfect, every good parent knows that kids are always learning from the examples we set. If we want our children to be kind, empathetic, and well-mannered as they grow up, we must try to be on our own best behavior and be respectful of others.

  • Discipline

    Discipline (not a punishment) is not only one of the best things you can teach your kids but it's a way to ensure that you are raising a child who will be happier as she grows. It is a must instill discipline among children regarding their daily habits, and social behavior. Punishing a child is not as effective as using praise and rewards.

  • Let Kids be Independent

    Parents should make their children independent and make them physically and mentally ready to face challenges of life. It can be their homework, cleaning room, washing clothes, meeting their monthly expenses, etc. Household responsibilities teach children important life lessons related to duty, cooperation, community, and hard work. People who learn such lessons early in life are more likely to become well-adjusted adults. Successful parents make household chores a part of the family’s routine and culture. This sets children up for future success. Good parents hone their skill of enabling their children to view challenges and manage stress positively.

  • Train them to Apologize and Forgive

    You teach your kids to own up to things they did wrong and apologize and try to make up for what they did. Similarly, cultivate the habit of forgiving among them. Avoid negative emotional reactions, such as anger, sarcasm, and ridicule.

     

  • Teach Kids to be a Good Person

    Teach kids to be kind, respectful toward others, be charitable, grateful for what they have, and have empathy for others. If they are not good, they will be less likely to be happy and fulfilled, no matter what things they achieve and how much they succeed.

  • Avoid Seeking Respect

    Parents should seek love and not respect. Why respect -you came a few years early, are bigger in body, and you know a few survival tricks. Earn respect from your behavior and not by force.

     

  • Know What Your Kids Are Doing and With Whom

    Keep track of your child’s activities. Know your child’s friends, the time duration he is spending with friends and on internet. Talk to him once he comes back to know what your child is experiencing and encountering when he is away from you.

     

  • Focus more on your Children’s Positive Behavior than Negative Behavior.

    The more parents scold or reprimand, the more the bad behavior gets repeated. When they receive a lot of scolding, children start to internalize the belief that “I’m a bad child who misbehaves and gets scolded”. They don’t feel motivated to correct their behavior, because it has already become a part of their identity. On the other hand, appreciation of good qualities will empower them to correct the bad ones.

     

  • Teach your children to focus on the needs of others

    Children find happiness through giving to others. Impart them simple life lessons by telling stories and sending them for community service.

     

  • Take care of their needs and not wants

    Parents should tell the children the difference between needs and wants. The sense of spending rationally and saving some should be inculcated among children.

  • Develop Social Skills

Here’s a list of social skills that you can help your children develop:

  1. Sharing

  2. Giving feedback

  3. Accepting differences

  4. Respecting others’ rights and property

  5. Identifying others’ feelings

  6. Seeing things from others’ perspective

  7. Making eye contact

  8. Managing negative emotions

  9. Listening

  10. Not interrupting

  11. Resolving conflicts

  12. Disagreeing respectfully

  13. Cooperating

  14. Helping others

  15. Complimenting others

  16. Being polite

  17. Asking for help


 

To conclude parenting should be a liberating process. So, when the child is born, allow the child to look around, spend time with nature and spend time with himself. Create an atmosphere of love and support and don’t try to impose your morals, ideas, religion or whatever in any way. Just allow him to grow, allow his intelligence to grow and help him look at life on his own terms, as a human being – not identified with the family, or your wealth or whatever else. Just helping him to look at life as a human being is very essential for his well being and the well being of the world. You should aim to give your children more freedom and life more joyful and less fearful. Your contribution to the next generation should be that you don’t leave a brat in the world, you should leave a human being who is at least a little better than you.

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