"Jealousy is a form of hatred that is built upon insecurity."
What is Jealousy?
Are you always comparing yourself to others? Do you get disturbed, irritated intimidated, insecure the moment you see someone whom you think has more than you? Do you feel ashamed of seeing others doing better than you?
If yes, then this is the emotion of Jealousy.
Jealousy isn't called an ugly, green-eyed monster for no reason — and the truth is that more often than not, it's one that tends to stay hidden under the bed. Sometimes, the feeling of envy is very intense and you're aware of it, but a lot of the time, people operate from a place of believing they aren't worthy of the things other people have (and they do not).
The premise of feeling jealous of someone else is believing that they:
a) have something you have and will not have,
b) they have something you cannot, or are not worthy of having; it's one of the two.
People have the natural habit of making a comparison between two and this comparison manifest jealousy within. This emotion of Jealous is the deadliest poison that one ever can consume. It depletes the soul of positive energy. This emotion is self-defeating, self-destructing, frustrating, threatening; because in jealousy you feel inadequate, insufficient and unhappy. Most of us have felt jealousy at one time or another. It is a common emotional reaction in the form of being a mild annoyance or like a fire inside you, consuming you and making you feel like you might explode. Jealous gives birth to anger, hatred, destruction, unhappiness, depression, and a sense of worthlessness, etc. If not controlled timely it blocks your growth.
What do you feel when Jealous?
When you experience jealousy, you may assume that someone else is receiving the attention, love, or adoration that you want for yourself, which is provided by someone from whom you want it. You experience withdrawal from relationship, avoidance, or anger at yourself or others. Your behaviour becomes aggressive and offensive. You try to achieve the thing you want at any cost compromising the values. You may want to hurt the person who is a rival. You feel tired, lonely, unhappy.
Why do we feel Jealous?
Lack of awareness and ignorance
You create the thought of jealousy because you do not have the necessary awareness of your true self. In life, people forget the fact that everyone is unique. Everyone is brought up in a different set of circumstances and by different parents. Then their journey and destiny have been different. But due to jealousy, you start comparing yourself with people who have more beauty, talent, health, possessions or reputation than you. You feel threatened and become unstable and even forget appreciating what you have and just focus what you don’t have.
Belief System regarding Success
Every human being wants to be successful and happy in life. In society, the word success and happiness denote a lot of money, big cars, a huge house, name, and fame etc. Success is wrongly confused with the achievement of material possession. In schools, family a child who stands first is taken to be successful and rest automatically failures. The student who doesn’t come first feels insulted, shame, unaccepted and insecure and starts feeling jealous. If the values of knowledge, health, hard work, honesty, truthfulness, sharing, caring are associated and glorified with success then this would not be the case. All students will feel confident and will have high self-esteem and there will be no question of feeling jealous. By comparing we create our own poison and then drink it.
Natural desire to go ahead of others
Human being has the natural desire to take possession of knowledge, power, money, fame etc. In this process of acquiring things the person develops the desire to go ahead of others; and this opens the floodgates of jealous It starts with sibling rivalry where children rival for parent’s love and attention, toys, dresses etc. This Sanskara of jealousy takes strong roots in schools and further gets more matured in offices and business if not controlled timely. This journey of jealousy creates havoc when it comes in between the relations of husband-wife, brother-sister neighbors etc.
How do I free myself from the jealousy that arises within me?
Emulate rather than envy
Looking at others for inspiration is not bad; the problem is trying to be like them. That doesn’t mean you must follow their paths or aim for the same goals. Reacting with emulation rather than envy is a better option.
Increase Self-Acceptance & Self-esteem
Jealousy can be reduced by increasing self- esteem. To know yourself is to accept yourself. Whenever you face this negative emotion of jealousy, just sit down and write the list of qualities and possession you have, and others don’t have and celebrate the thought. Self-awareness requires observing and accepting who you are — not who you should or shouldn’t be. Set your own standards of success and happiness. Live your own life and not of others. Compare yourself to who you were yesterday. Focus on your improvement, not others. Comparing to other people is a lose-lose situation.
Stop Thinking Everyone Else Is Thinking About You, Or Evaluating Your Life
Want to feel really super free? Consider this: nobody actually cares as much about your life as you do, and nobody is thinking of you other than in random, passing thoughts now and again. That spotlight you think is on you constantly? It's all in your head.
Run Your Own Race
Flowers don't think of competing with the flowers next to them, they just bloom — you know how the saying goes. The goal isn't to be better than other people, it's to be better than you were before. Feeling jealous of other people's accomplishments is a pretty solid sign you're not focused on the right thing.
Ask Yourself If You're Honestly Working Hard Enough On Your Life
Most people who experience a lot of jealousy are not, in all honesty, doing what they know they should and need to be doing. They are focused on how angry they are that someone else seems to have already arrived at the end-goal, all while not prepping to do the work to get there themselves.
Focus On Connecting With People, Not Being Superior To Them
If you enter social situations with the intention of speaking with people to understand them better, or learning something you didn't know or simply enjoying another person's company, you will focus on connecting – which you are not doing when you are feeling jealous and envious.
Change the Perception of Success
Parents and schools unconsciously develop the wrong concept of success in children’s mind. They should be very alert about what they say and do. They divide the children into ABC categories. They should train the children to see themselves as they are, and not as they should be. Teachers and parents should constantly glorify the knowledge, creativity, honesty, hard work etc as the criterion of success.
Unique Character of an Individual
Conscious efforts should be made to instill the thought that everyone is unique with his/her own capabilities. This uniqueness of individual helps the society to run smoothly. There is no higher end job or lower end job. Society needs all types of professionals to run. So, there is no reason to compare one another.
Life is not a race, it is a journey
Life is not a race, instead of a journey. People should be told that they are just a co-passenger and not competitor. Everyone has their own destination. No competition. Never have the intention to defeat others, to go ahead of others instead of feeling inspired when others are going ahead. Be thankful to them for showing the path. Have the intention to do better than your own capacity. Compete with yourself and not from other Emanate positivity. Don’t waste time on jealousy as sometimes you are ahead sometimes behind.
Remind Yourself of All the Things You Already Have That You've Wanted In The Past
Often, when we actually attain what we want, we forget that we ever wanted it in the first place. This is the root of greed, and where a lack of gratitude takes root. It's very easy to remain focused on the next "goal," the next thing to achieve, earn, or fix — but if you do that, your life will be spent perpetually in a state of not being good enough, rather than being grateful for what you have (while still working for more).
A sense of gratitude should be developed among people for how they are and what they have. It will increase their satisfaction level and reduce the feeling of competition and comparison.
Art of Accepting and Appreciating others
Develop the art of accepting appreciating your counterpart. This will emanate positive energy. You will feel motivated to increase your own capacity too. Somebody has rightly said. “Don’t envy what people have, emulate what they did to have it.” If you suffer from envy, interact with people that have dramatically less or more than you have. Compare both experiences to see what it says about you when you experience the extremes.
Generosity, Love and Cooperative attitude
Train a person to love and be generous to the need of others. They should be encouraged to do community service and work in a team.
It is tough to control jealous behavior but definitely not impossible. The underlying issues rarely go away on their own. The person should be honest enough in his/her efforts to get rid of this negativity. He should be well aware of the dire consequences of carrying this emotion but if jealousy is a pattern of behaviour that is repeated in relationship after relationship, then a professional therapist can be consulted.